Party Girl Problems

Went out on Friday night for the first time in a long time. I forgot how great the people watching can be in New Orleans. While sitting at the bar of a well-known spot, my friend and I ran into quite some characters.

• The first lady we met actually happened right outside the bar as the doorman is checking our IDs. An older lady comments, "There's no way y'all are old enough to get in. I could be your grandmother!" Well, we are old enough so in we went. We found two bar stools, and the two next to us were occupied--one by a purse and one by an older man. Well who walks in and sits in the purse-reserved chair, our older lady we had just met outside. She sits down and says, "Oh you girls again! I swear y'all are probably younger than my son!" Which it turns out we were. The rest of the night, she introduced us to people as her granddaughters.
• After grandma and her husband left, a younger and intoxicated couple sat there. Turns out they were from Tennessee. The girls starts talking to us and begins asking us to tell her boyfriend how hot he is. While commencing on this boyfriend-ego-boosting rampage, she lifts up his shirt, exposing his abs, and telling us to go ahead and lick him, she won't be mad. Obviously, my friend and I had no intention of licking a random six pack we see at the bar. The girlfriend then goes in and starts biting his stomach. In the middle of the bar. By the time they left, the boyfriend had a few welted, bite marks over his stomach.
• My personal favorite meet of the night was the gay bartender. As he fed me cheap vodka, we bonded over our mutual love of Lady Gaga. He told me he had "Just Dance" tattooed on his bum. I can neither confirm nor deny the truth of it. 

I couldn't even make this stuff up if I tried.